Burdened with being Barren

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My womb longs for a tickle of a babies kick. It’s not happened.
I want my skin smoothed, breast full and a round bump. It’s not happened.
I’m not barren.
I’ve not missed carried
So what is it?
Fear.
I’m scared I may fail my child.
I’m scared that when he or she grows up I won’t be needed.
Fear grips my womb and keeps it barren.
Crazy? Yes.
Do I understand it? No.
I cry sometimes because I choose to stay without child while the mother in me is being ripped apart.
I watch year after year as classmates have their bundles of joy wrapped in love and my arms are empty.
Fear keeps me barren.
I feel the day I give birth is when I loose myself, my identity and become forgotten.
The mother in me tears at my insides and beats on my heart.
She ask, “why do you keep me childless?” “Why are you so selfish?”
I respond,
“I’m scared” and I shut down and become a introvert and let the mother in me suffer until I get over myself.

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13 thoughts on “Burdened with being Barren

  1. Pingback: Burdened with being Barren — I Write For You – Manifestation of God

  2. I believe it does the same for me as well. Among the reasons I write is because it serves me as a form of therapy. This is from things that have happened in my life or things that are happening at the moment, or any fears and insecuritIes I may have.

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