A Constant Reminder

image

I have nightmares, horrible flash backs and I cry all the time. He was abusive and I was an enabler but I found it somewhere in my soul  to pull forgiveness out. She wouldn’t come out for a long time and she would say,” girl he doesn’t deserve it”. I had to walk down the aisle to my husband with his words screaming in the back of my head, “Your pathetic, no one will ever love you and you will forever be trapped here with me”. I kept a smile though. When I look back at my life with him and the scares that he left on my body and mind I will always remind myself that he can’t  hurt me anymore. I thought  about therapy but figured what can they really do and how can they really understand what I have been through. They can’t, all they  have is science  and a book someone  else wrote to tell them what they think my issue is. My husband doesn’t deserve the residue that is falling from my broken heart. You say you will keep me trapped you say I can never be free well I guess your right. I look down at my arm everyday since that day and know that my children will ask me ” mommy what is that?” When I meet people they will stare when it catches their eye. It hurts when I think about you. The days where I dreamed about hurting you making you feel what I did where my freedom moments. Yes, trapped mentally by a scar on my physical and in my mind. But when I go to sleep at night all is forgiven.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s